Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
