But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She bit a glass in half.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
