I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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