I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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