It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
