If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
