If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
