i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
