she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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