just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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