How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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