Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
