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• (631): View more from New York

  I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I don't want you to recite the pledge!

  (631): View more from New York

  Pledge alligien to america to united states of america

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• (631): View more from New York

  I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.

  (906): View more from Michigan

  so you're not coming in to work today?

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out

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• (518): View more from New York

  you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved

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• (516): View more from New York

  i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle

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• (310): View more from California

  Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  my aim is off when im drunk

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