I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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