I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
