you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
