he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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