The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
