This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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