She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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