This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
