i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
