I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I lost the right to judge tonight
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
