my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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