just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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