My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
