I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
