i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Randomize
