Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize