You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
