You work out of a Hotel?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
