I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
