do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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