I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
