Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
