I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i think i have two assholes
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
