paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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