Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize