mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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