At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
