who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
