She is in my trunk
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
