If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I want a musical about memes.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
