Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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