quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
