Soap is not a condiment
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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