Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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