Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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