I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
