who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
