make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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