You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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