I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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