I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
