and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
