I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize