I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
