Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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