he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
