im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
