I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
