I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
