It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
