I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize