How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize