Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
