i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
