Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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