I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
