I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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