You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
