my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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