Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
