Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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