was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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