I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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