I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
