Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize