Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
