I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
