Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
