Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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