Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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