if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
