i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i barfeds in our rink
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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