Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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