Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
