birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize