But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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