letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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