That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
