I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Pooping to opera.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
