So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
