My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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