I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize