I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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