Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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