remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
