They should really pass out barf bags in church
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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