Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
