Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
