Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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