that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
