I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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