There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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