Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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