3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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